Thursday, January 19, 2006

Samson under center

Doug Flutie casts a long shadow at BC. Most of his legacy is in the record books and highlight reels. No one will ever be Flutie on the field…or under the helmet. When I say under the helmet, I am not talking about brains or football IQ. Flutie set the bar high in those categories, but he is untouchable in something else -- hair.

Flutie’s mane is impressive. During his Heisman years he sported sort of a feathered look with a middle part. Once he went to Canada, he let his locks grow out and fashioned one of the thickest and fullest mullets around. Even upon his return to the lower 48, he kept rocking the mullet. Yes, he’s trimmed it up recently, but the even now into his 40s, the guy has great hair.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is BC’s second-most famous current NFL QB -- Matt Hasselbeck. Matt is bald. Dr. Evil, Michael Jordan, Mr. Clean bald. I give Matt credit for shaving his side fuzz, but there most be part of him that is bothered by the lack of hair because the guy is never seen without a hat on. I was amazed that he goes hatless in the new United Way commercial. (But you’ll notice that in the commercial he is throwing the ball in an empty stadium. My guess is that he didn’t know the camera was there.)

So what does this have to do with BC? I have a theory. It states that since Flutie and his impressive locks, our most likeable and effective QBs have been bald, have receding hairlines and/or will be bald shortly after college. Look back:

Glenn Foley: Thinning on top. I haven’t seen a recent picture but my guess is he is bald now.

Mark Hartsell: Full head of hair and mullet to rival Flutie…also a complete stiff.

Tim Hasselbeck: Almost as hairless as his brother. Got TOB to his first bowl and bagged the chick from Survivor.

Scott Mutryn: Followed a Hasselbeck and was succeeded by a Hasselback. Had the same barber as the Hasselbecks.

Brian St. Pierre: Followed a good Junior year with a dud Senior year. Explanation -- his full pompadour.

Paul Peterson: Body like Flutie. Hair like the guy who still has a chance in the Rogaine commercial. I don’t think Paul will go Hasselbeck bald, but he is thinning…then again after his Mormon mission and JUCO time, he might have been 30 by the time he reached BC. (I kid ‘cause I care, Paul.)

Quinton Porter: His Caesar cut hides what I imagine is fast growing, thick hair. Needless to say, not in the Hass model. Lost job twice.

Matt Ryan: Fortunately for Eagle fans, Matt has two years of eligibility and fast receding hair line. Good times ahead.

**Unfortunately there aren’t many helmet-less pictures of the quarterbacks between Flutie and Foley. But based on the result on the field you can assume that Shawn Halloran, Mike Power, Mark Kamphaus, and Willie Hicks all had thick hair.

Now fellow BC fan Evil A hates our baldies (or at least the bald Hasselbecks). I am the opposite corner. I say embrace the bald. Other schools may look at a QB recruit’s arm or frame or touch. BC only needs to look at his hair. If it is flowing like Flutie, say no thanks. If he’s going to need a toupee by his first summer camp -- sign him up.


Jaime Lannister said...

You owe me royalties on this post. I will not call it outright (C) infringement but I have been promulgating my BC QB Hair theory for years and years. Pay me my royalties damnit, or suffer the consequences.

Jaime Lannister said...

And I realize you argue the contra-positive; my point is that it springs from my 'when your hair falls out you start to stink' theory. While Matt improved in the pros, he was bald and terrible at BC. I think that of the two St. had a slightly better career (despite agreedly regressing his Sr. year). St. was also screwed by the famed 2d Quarter QB Experiment.

Tom O'Brien has good hair for an old guy (in volume, not in putrid ginger color) so now you know why he sucks at coaching.

Jerry Gene said...

I like your style of writing. You break it down nicely. Keep these informative posts coming!

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